Is Moxie Over It?

I'm feeling introspective today and motivated to write about more than my desire to sex up Rob or making fun of Taylor for having to stand on a box for his photo shoot.

My interest is waning.  There.  I said it.  For almost a year I have been totally and completely consumed with all things Twilight and Robert Pattinson.  Everyone knows.  Random acquaintances bring up the topic  of Twilight with me without me initiating anything.  My reputation for being obsessed precedes me.  However, lately, I haven't been quite as zealous.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm not fourteen years old anymore if if it's because I'm just kinda over it.  Allow me to explain...

When Twilight came out at the movies I had only been aware of it for a short time.  I wasn't exposed to all of the hype because I didn't know or care about it.  I read the books shortly before the movie was released.  It wasn't until after I saw the film and Robert Pattinson in all of his big screen glory that I really became consumed by Twilight.  This obsession took over all of my free time.  I searched the internet for every single interview Rob ever made, watched all of the YouTube videos and searched out like-minded devotees (which thank god, lead me to Twitarded).   I also have RL friends who, while not quite as "twitarded" as me, love the movie, books, Rob and indulge me in my Twilightness.

Now I feel like I'm slowing down.  My religious-like worship is calming.  Perhaps I am just too old for this shit.  I do have a life, believe it or not.  I have a husband and a child and responsibilities.  I have other interests and hobbies that have taken a bit of a back seat, but they're still alive and work themselves into my world at times.

Maybe it's because of how aware I am.  I can spot anything Twilight related from a mile away. I am attuned to it.  I used to search the internet for hours looking for photos, articles, interviews but now that New Moon has saturated the media, it's everywhere.   I have been so consumed for so long that I feel like I'm drowning in it.

I know what you're thinking.  "Yeah right!  Moxie is still obsessed.  She blogs almost every day.  She comments on other blogs almost every day.  She's on her fourth re-read of the series."  This is all true.  But now, I feel a bit detached.  I've gone from an 11 on the Twilight psycho scale to a 7.  I haven't read any of the articles from the cast.  Before, anything Robert Pattinson said or did I would devour.  Now....honestly, I just don't care.   Don't get me wrong.  I still enjoy looking at yummy pictures of him.  He's beautiful!  He's still #1 on my laminated list (#2, #3, #4 and #5 too).  As far as his personal life or what makes him tick?  That doesn't interest me.

I'm hoping that after I see New Moon I will have a renewed interest and my obsession will return just as ridiculously strong as it was in the beginning.  I feel like I'm losing a part of myself that I wasn't ready to give up.  I know that sounds stupid but it's true.  Some may say I need to "get a life" and I will.  In time.  Just not until after Breaking Dawn.

Phew! That was cathartic.  Thanks, if you bothered to read the entire thing (and I don't blame you if you didn't.  I mean really, who gives a fuck), for listening.  I don't think I'm alone in this so if you feel even remotely similar, leave me a comment.

Moxie! For fuck's sake!  Shut your gob and give me my chips!

(fries are called chips in England)

Pinky rings are back....

Jerkin Your Gherkin (because I think that phrase is funny)

This pic was posted on Robsessed.  Check out Jacob's hiking boots with what seems like three inch soles.  Oh, and the BOX he's standing on!  Hopefully poor Taylor has another growth spurt.  He is still 17 after all.  He has time.

Did you notice Jacob's incredibly clenched buttocks?  Is he tense?  Roid rage?  Does he have to do a big stinkie and he's clenching his sphincter so the lava wont spew from his rear?  Is he turning coal into a diamond?  Is Bella jerkin his gherkin and we can't see it from that angle?  Maybe Jacob has an atomic wedgie.  Edward looks perplexed by Jacob's taut gluteus maximus as well.  Maybe he gave him the wedgie.

Umm...Hello Mr. Lutz

I am speechless. The face, the arms....*****drool****

I couldn't resist...

If I Were a Vampire.....

If I were a vampire I would be a total succubus.  I would be the sluttiest of all slutty vamps.  None of that wussy "wait until you're married" crap, Edward!  I would stalk every cute boy I have ever wanted.  I would skip along roof tops and scale down the sides of buildings to sneak into my unsuspecting victims bedrooms and have my way with them.  Of course they would be more than eager because I would be beautiful and dangerous and all kinds of sexed up.  Guys love "sexed up" goth girls.

If my vicitim doesn't please me, I will feed upon him and take him out of circulation.  I wouldn't want him to displease any of you lovely ladies.  I'm doing you a favor.  Plus I'd be able to just leave when it was done.  No fake cuddling or worrying about him trying to call me ever again.  I just hate clingy men, don't you?

If he was particularly good in the sack, I would take him as my minion to do all of the mundane human tasks we all hate to do like laundry and put gas in the car.  I can think of a certain actor who plays a vampire who I would like to be my minion, but thats kinda creepy so I'll just keep those thoughts to myself.

Try to imagine Rosalie without Emmett and without having the influence of the Cullens.  She would be a total maniac.  She would be evil and mean.  She would beat girls up for no reason and take their man when she was finished.  That would be me, except I would look like Bettie Page.

What man could resist?

Stephenie Meyer writes that the talents you have as a human are intensified when you become a vampire.  I wonder if that means I'm a complete floozy in real life but I can't express it because I'm married.

What kind of vampire would you be?  Would you be  nice and try to conform to society like the Cullens or would you run amuck without a conscience?  Maybe something in between?

Somerhalder Scruff

YOWZA! The ladies at Twisessed posted this little gem.

Feast your eyes LizardStew!!!!!!

Toys R Us has hacked into my inbox

So I get this email this morning.

"all Twilighters!!

Toys“R”Us has been bitten, transforming into THE Twilight Saga destination, offering in-store and online dedicated boutiques, exclusive products and even a star-studded event at Toys“R”Us Times Square on November 19! Read below for more information about the awesome Twi-inspired products, and how to enter the online sweepstakes to win prizes signed by talent from the movie. Also, read below to find out how you can receive tickets to attend the VIP autograph signing at the Toys“R”Us Times Square store with Kellan Lutz and Nikki Reed, as well as tickets to attend a special, advance screening of The Twilight Saga: New Moon in NYC.

You can download images of select Twilight Saga products available at Toys“R”Us, as well as images of the Toys“R”Us Times Square Twilight Saga boutique, by clicking here.

Please let me know if you have any questions!

Sincerely,

Emily Kanoff"

WTF Emily??? Yeah I have a question- who the hell are you and how did you get my name???

Lets play a little game- what should I write back to her?

Smooth Away Hair Remover - A Gift to Taylor Lautner

Dear Taylor Lautner,

About a week or so ago, I noticed in a photo of you, a shadow on your upper lip. I decided to ignore it, hoping your father has yet to teach you to shave or that maybe it was chocolate left over from a hastily eaten Hershey Bar. More recent photos have now surfaced of you on a promo trip for New Moon still sporting the "barely there" hair which seems to have trickled down to your chin. I will say it now, and I pray that you listen......I DON'T LIKE IT! Not one bit!

Legally, you are still a child. I see you as a child. Not even a Man-child - a child. Your attempt at looking more masculine is not cutting it. Why do so many boys your age attempt to grow a thin, unattractive scrubstache? You aren't fooling anyone. Please Taylor. Don't be that guy!

That guy

Just because Robert Pattinson could grow a full beard at the age of 10 doesn't mean you can too. Maybe, someday, when you start banging Disney chicks left and right and drinking whiskey till you puke, you'll be man enough to grow more than kitten fuzz. Until that time, I bought you a gift that should take care of everything.

Love,

Moxie

Enjoy the View

Pics from the December issue of Vanity Fair. More pics on their website.....click the link and take a gander at the slide show.

Thanks Robsessed and NewMoonMovie

What choo talkin' bout Edward?

I have a friend who I have desperately been trying to convert to Twilightism. I always send comments to her on FaceBook about how she should read Twilight but she refuses to submit.

The other day she was posting photos of herself that she "yearbooked" and I commented that the time she is wasting "yearbooking" herself, she could be reading Twilight.

This is how she replied with the caption "This will appease us both."

Errrr. Not exactly appeased but I did laugh my rear off! I hope that's not what Edward looked like in 1977 after a bad perm.

I'll get you Samantha! Eventually you won't be able to help yourself and give in to the pressure. Trust me. You'll thank me once you finally give in. (and if you unfriend me I will hunt you down!)

Twitarded Meme

Twisessed tagged us to do the Twitarded Meme. Here goes nuthin.....

1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?
2) One my personal favorite games: Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast. I can't wait to read these! (Or "Eff, Marry, Kill" if you don't have my potty mouth.)**
3) What is your favorite band/type of music?
4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?
5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? A blogger?
6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.
7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

Copa Shoe Girl

1) There are tons of crazy stupid things I have done, all involving illegal substances and moving vehicles...like say oh drop acid and drive to Manhattan....

2) Fuck: Jasper (naughty), Marry: Jasper, Kill: Alice (that bitch)...ok no not really but I wanted my answers to be different than the usual!

3) There is no way I can pick a favorite band, maybe favorite right now? I am digging Coconut Records ALOT! I like the Alternative type of tunes.

4) The Royal Tenenbaums, or pretty much anything by Wes Anderson

5) My family has no idea..my friends, well, we are all in it together!

6) Not very many, maybe 4 to 5ish

7) I don’t like having fake nails on, I feel like I can’t function with them on.

mmMoxie

1) I refuse to post the most crazy and/or stupid thing I've ever done. That shit is locked up tight in the vault. I will however, share my first drinking experience because that was definitely stupid. When I was 16, my parents and I went to visit my sister (Derble) when she was in college over Easter weekend. The folks thought it would be fun for me to stay with her in her dorm while they stayed in a hotel. BIG MISTAKE! Derble took me to a frat party and threw me at a poor frat boy named Chris and immediately left the party with her fucktard boyfriend (I called him McMoon - he had a huge chin). Chris plied me with solo cups filled to the brim with Tom Collins until I was falling down. We made out most of the night. - Please keep in mind, I was a late bloomer and pretty naive when it came to boys. I had never been drunk and never had the sex - Derble eventually came back to get me and we all (including Chris and McMoon) went back to Derble's dorm room to pass out. Apparently Chris and I continued to fool around (not the sex -that's another stupid, crazy story) because the next morning, EASTER MORNING, my neck was covered in giant, grotesque hickeys. Props to Chris for not totally taking advantage of the situation because he could have. Derble and I had to go to church that morning with our parents, very hungover. Luckily I had long hair at the time and a turtleneck to cover the hickeys. Thanks for the memories Derble!

2) I would FUCK the life...um undeadness....whatever...out of Edward. I would then marry Edward. He would not be able to resist marrying me and fucking me over and over after our first fuck. Next, I would convince Edward to kill Bella because he would realize that no one could ever live up to how amazing I am in the sack.

3) My favorite band is The The. I love indie, 80's new wave, 80's hardcore, 70s/80s punk. Right now I am completely obsessed with Say Hi (formerly 'Say Hi To Your Mom'). I can't get enough of that band. I want to eat them up.

4) I don't have one favorite movie (other than Twilight) but I do have a few that I will watch every single time they're on tv like: Say Anything, Some Kind of Wonderful, Harold and Maude, True Romance, Breakfast at Tiffany's, A Clockwork Orange......the list goes on and on.

5) The majority of my RL friends share this blog with me so yes, they are aware of my obsession. My family knows but they don't have the address to this blog (other than Derble). My family knows I'm a weirdo so they know when to ask questions and when to just smile and nod.

6) Since quitting my job 8 months ago to be a stay at home mom, pretty much all of my free time is spent obsessing on Twilight and Rob Pattinson. I know I have a problem but it feels so good! I'm afraid to calculate the hours I spend neglecting my husband and child.

7) I am deathly afraid of heights and cranes (the construction equipment). I am ever so slowly writing a book that I will probably never allow anyone to read. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with Twilight or vampires.

Celiac Cutie

1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?
I was at a frat party at SUNY (State Univ of NY for those who don't know) Geneseo really effing drunk. I proceeded to pee in a gutter and then swing from a tree with my pants down around my ankles. Needless to say, I was called "lady jane" for quite sometime.
2) Fuck: Carlisle (you have to say it like Esme). Marry: Jacob (he has such a good heart). Kill: Bella (when Stewy plays her, not the Bella in my mind)
3) What is your favorite band/type of music? Favorite "band" is James Taylor. Yes I am a total dork stuck in the 70s. I love all of that classic rock shit. You can thank my father.
4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight? Oh this is a hard one, but I would have to say anything directed by Judd Apatow.
5) Do you RL life family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? Only my husband and my bestest girls.
6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? Not much. If it is on people.com or usweekly.com then I will read it. I know (Mmoxie) that I have been majorly slacking in the blogging area.
7) Any random fact you might want to share. I can say the 50 states in under 20 seconds. There are very few people that have not seen my boobs. I really, really tried to kick caffeine, but I just couldn't do it (sorry baby naz).

Sweet Buns

1) I don't do much crazy stuff, but the stupidest thing I've ever done has to do with LizardStew, and OMG am I grateful that we've moved past it!

2) F: Edward (duh!); M: Carlisle (he seems like a good husband!); K: Jessica kind of bugs the sh** out of me...

3) I'm a little bit country, not so much rock-and-roll.

4) I have a few that I watch over and over, but I'd have to say Raiders of the Lost Ark (sentimental reasons).

5) My husband has some clue, and my work friends hear about Twilight all the time, but I don't think anyone else knows or cares.

6) Probably a couple hours a week. Of course, this will increase once NM is released - that'll be a weekly event all by itself!

7) I am deathly afraid of running out of paper towels. Don't know why.

Tag! You're it: Twipnotized, Twinatic (if you guys have already been tagged, sorry. It's hard to keep track)

I don't know any other blogs that haven't been tagged yet. Sorry if you got skipped. If you haven't participated in this yet....consider yourself tagged by Twilight SagaPalooza!

From David Slade Via Twitter

Twilight Eclipse officially wrapped shooting, at 4.30 am October 29th. Physically and emotionally exhausted. DAVID S

Pumpkin Carving Skills

Tea-bagging Bella

I started re-reading the Twilight books. It's only my fourth time. That ain't so bad. Anyway, I was reading Twilight last night and on page 367 I came across this passage:

"Are you ready for some ball?" Edward asked, his eyes eager, bright.

Eager for some ball? Are you thinking what I'm thinking..........

The next paragraph:

"Shall we go down?" Esme asked in her soft, melodic voice, and I realized I was staring openmouthed after him.

Openmouthed? Oh yes. That's what I thought you were thinking. Bella and Esme are dirty little whores.

I guess that's what happens when you read Twilight too many times. You can read a lot of innuendo into this innocent story. I must say, it gets better every time!

EDWARD! You got spooge in my hair!

News of the Day

"We can't keep them in the store. People keep coming in and stealing Rob and Taylor! And it's usually middle-aged women."
—A Nordstrom employee regarding the life-size New Moon cardboard cutouts of Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner, promoting a New Moon fashion line.

Moxie is Cursed Premier Weekend

New Moon premiers in 27 days. I will be seeing it on the 22nd which leaves 29 days remaining. According to my calculations I will be starting my period that day. Thanks a fucking lot Mother Nature! I'll be nice and bloated crampy and all around periody the day my sweet sweet Edward comes back to me.

It's a given that I'll be exceedingly grumpy as well. I am naturally irritable and going to the movies only irritates my irritability further which I'm sure you have already surmised from my Long Ass Post last week. Add menstrual grumpiness and you've got yourself a full on BITCH. Sorry Saga Mafia. I will load up on Midol and maybe a little vodka before I leave the house. Also, I may need some comfort food (strawberry crepes please) after the movie.

Bring the bitch some chocolate. STAT!

*TMI?

My Untainted Eclipse Hymen

There have been a lot of New Moon clips released recently. I have said it before and I'll say it again.......I HAVE NO WILLPOWER! Please stop releasing clips. I feel like I've seen the entire movie already. I am spoiled. I feel kinda dirty. I am going to New Moon OD before I even see it in the theater. Please....Summit......if you care about me at all, you'll leave the rest of the movie a secret until the premier.

I think I will remain an Eclipse virgin. It may cause me to go insane and possibly violent toward strangers, but I will do it. No movie clips (other than the trailer). I will be strong. It isn't going to be easy. I will probably be bitching and wining a lot on the blog so I apologize in advance. I really want to be excited about seeing Eclipse at the theater. I want to be surprised.

"Toss off Moxie. You know you can't control yourself. You'll look at any picture or video of Rob Pattinson. You did it all for the nookie so you could get your cookie."

Well, double fuck you too David Slade! I don't care how much you look like Fred Durst, I'm not going to watch your stupid movie clips. I'm going to stay pure. Plus, your man purse does not intimidate me and the long strap makes you look shorter than you are. Do you live in a tree and bake cookies when you're not directing movies?

Alotta Pics-o-Rob

I had to get that image of Aaron Carter out of my mind and off the screen. Here's some beautiful pics of Rob. Start drooling.....

*I didn't source any of these pics because, honestly, I can't remember where I got them. Some have tags on the pics already. I apologize in advance if I have committed a serious faux pas.

Aaron Carter = Robert Pattinson? What a revolting thought!

I don't watch Dancing with the Stars but apparently one of the retarded judges compared Aaron Carter to Robert Pattinson. OH HELL NO! When I read about that, I threw up.....and not even a little in my mouth.......full out projectile vomiting! Do not mention Aaron Carter and Robert Pattinson in the same sentence.

Aaron Carter looks like the guy from the movie "The Hills Have Eyes" and he's about as squirrelly as you can possibly get. I hate his face. I hate his obnoxious personality. The fact that he exists on this planet offends me. If you hadn't noticed......I can not stand the douche!

I'm even annoyed that I had to look up pictures of Aaron Carter. I feel like I need to incinerate my computer now.

The slap heard round the pack...

I sort of expected a neck roll, maybe a finger point, and a "oh no you diiint"

Put some fresh batteries in your vibrator

This song makes me want to have the sex.

These pictures (some of them are new, some of them are old) make me want to have the sex.

Watch it on YouTube in HD so you don't miss anything

Rob is tasty as a cake....

Suck It - John C. Reilly

Gonna see The Vampire's Assistant? Me either.

NOT HOT

A LONG ASS POST....that has little to do with Twilight

Yesterday was my anniversary so Mr. Moxie took me out to dinner and a movie. Dinner was great. The movie....well, I should have expected it. I have terrible luck when I see a movie at the theater. Like the time Derble and I went to see 500 Days of Summer and the theater was filled with old people. I don't mean 60 year olds, I mean the over 75 year old set. They can't hear very well and talk really loud, but that's another story.

We decided to see Zombieland. I know I know....how romantic! It was the only thing we could agree on and honestly, the only "chick flicks" I'm into are the Twilight movies. Here is how the miserable moving-going experience began: We got our tickets for the 9:30 show which was about an hour early. I must get a good seat! The doofus manning the rated "R" section of the theater allowed us to go to theater #3 to be seated for our movie. We walked in and were immediately hit a musty wall of heat and the stench of human body stink (allow me to remind you that we live in Arizona and although it is the middle of October, it is still in the triple digits here). In the middle of our retching and gagging we realized the theater was still filled with movie goers enjoying the end of Zombieland. Grateful that we didn't have to sit in the stench, we hightailed it outta there back to the lobby for some breathable air. We let doofus boy know that we were there for the next showing - DUH - and that it was really hot in there and wreaked like a sweaty locker room. He could tell I wasn't having it and he better not fuck with me or I'd throw his retainer down the auto-flush toilet. Doofus boy quickly let management know about our complaint.

After the previous showing was finished and the sweaty beefcakes and frumpy mouth breathers filed out, we we saw a few theater employees, including one who looked quasi in charge, scurry in and out of the theater. I assumed they were fixing the A/C and figured it would probably be safe to go in and stake out a good seat (front row of the second tier, on the aisle, behind the railing - no big heads to obstruct my view). The smell was mostly gone and it seemed like it was starting to cool down so I was happy. Mr. Moxie was on the aisle, there were three seats between me and a couple of girls. I was happily people watching, mentally criticizing what each person was wearing and cussing out (in my head) the dickwads who brought their little kids to a rated "R" zombie movie, that's when I saw them. You know who they are. The jacktard former frat boys who are now in their late twenties or early thirties, losing their hair, wearing sunglasses on the back of their heads instead of in their shirt or pocket with all the charm and class of a caveman. They also usually travel in packs of three. (I don't know what that's all about)

These fuckers decided on the three seats next to me. OF COURSE! Instead of saying "excuse me" so that Mr. Moxie and I could move our legs so they could walk down the aisle, they squeezed their beer bellies between the railing and flopped their asses into their seats. The biggest and hairiest of them decided to take the seat next to me. YAY me! He was wearing cargo shorts and some kind of beer logo t-shirt and mandles. Why do they always have to wear sandals? I should probably explain that I have a serious foot phobia. I hate feet, especially disgusting, hairy toed, fat knuckley man feet. This guy was tall too, and meaty. I immediately scooted a little closer to Mr. Moxie. About 15 minutes into the movie this caveman decided to put his feet up on the railing. Not the bottom rail, not the center rail but the TOP FUCKING RAIL! For about a half hour of the movie I had his disgusting man feet in full view, directly in my line of sight. Not that this movie was particularly good, but I really didn't want to have to stare at his sickening feet. Not only were his feet on the top of the railing but he also sat in his seat completely spread eagle. His thighs were touching each arm rest of his chair and both elbows were hanging over each armrest as well. I scooted even closer to Mr. Moxie.

No one should ever have to see this. NO ONE!

Caveman rested his bag of popcorn on his crotch and dug into it with his fist like a backhoe crunching through gravel. He dug and dug at this popcorn chomping loudly and open mouthed until all that was left were crumbs which he then poured into his face. I stood up and screamed "Why don't you just turn the bag inside out and lick the fucking thing!" Then I grabbed it out of his hand, wadded it up and threw it at the head of the mother who brought the little kids to the rated "R" zombie movie. Ok. I didn't really do that, but I wanted to. I also really wanted to stab him in the calf with the heel of my "fuck me" pumps (hey, it was my anniversary), but I'm the type of person who likes to me miserable and suffer in silence. As much as I bitch about pretty much everything, I don't like confrontation.

As I sat in my seat, practically on Mr. Moxie's lap by this time, I noticed it was getting hotter in the theater. And smellier. Yep. The A/C broke again. Thank God the movie was just about over and as soon as the first line of credits began to roll, Mr. Moxie and I bolted the fuck outta there. They (the three cavemen) climbed over the railing. Class acts.

There was one thing that made this miserable movie experience worth it and that ties this long, drawn out story to Twilight. During the previews, they showed the New Moon trailer. Now I've see the trailer a billion and one times on the computer and even on my tv, but seeing it on the big screen was such a thrill! It really got me excited again about seeing it! Thankfully, I don't think there will be very many caveman frat boys at the Sunday matinee showings of New Moon.

Derble finished reading New Moon and lived to tell about it.

Way back in August I started turning the screws on Derble to read New Moon. Lots of you commented on my post Twintervention to harass her until she gave in to peer pressure because is a RULE that you cannot see New Moon or any of the Twilight movies until you've read the books. Well, I'm happy to announce that she did indeed give in and two months later Derble finally finished reading New Moon. She bitched and moaned the entire time but she made it.....even giving me little summaries each week so I knew she wasn't cheating! Derble was not impressed but she did it and now she's earned the right to see New Moon and drool over Rob, which was her only incentive to read the book anyway. Believe it or not, she has already started reading Eclipse without so much as a threat from me. I think Breaking Dawn is going to take a little more convincing......most likely violence, but we've got time for that.

Stop hiding Derble. Breaking Dawn isn't that bad!