Double Penetration Drunk Mad Libs

Since last week's game was over quicker than Edward Cullen speed humping (you know he can do that...he's impossibly fast, and strong), we're having a double dose of Mad Libs tonight.

Ain't nuthin little about Lil E.

(that condom expired in 2007)

Directions:

• Pour yourself a glass.  
• Type ONE WORD per comment 
• Write the number, type of word and your word (i.e. #1 Part of the body:  fun bags).  
• Make it dirty.  
• Make it crude.  
• Make it Twilight related. (this is semi optional)
• Make one of the words "taint".  It's a must.  The word "taint" is funny ALL THE TIME.  

Oh yeah, I know we'll be a tad bit tipsy, but try to read the other comments so we know what number we're on and don't have any repeats.

Mad Lib #1

1. Noun
2. Plural noun
3. Adjective
4. Adjective
5. Noun
6. Verb
7. Noun
8. Plural Noun
9. Adjective
10. Adjective
11. Noun
12. Noun
13. Adjective
14. Adjective
15. Adjective

Isn't He Romantic

You're out having dinner with your girlfriends.  They are complaining that their men sit in front of the donkey snatch watching ESPN, eating cock suckers, and totally ignoring them.  As they finish their tainty list of heartaches, their eyes turn to you.  But what can you say?  Your guy is dirty.  He gives you a sticky twat and says "I cum guzzle you" every day.  He never forgets your special happy trail and always sends you trick bitches on your anniversary.  He surprises you once a year with a slick vacation to a snatchy place.  And everyone knows he proposed to you while sitting in a cock gobbler, gliding down a vaginal wall in Venice Italy, while the gondolier sang a drippy love song.  As you recall this jizz covered moment, you can't help but break into a fuckawesome smile and offer to pick up the tab...

Mad Lib #2

1. Type of event
2. Celebrity (male)
3. Adjective
4. Animal
5. Verb
6. Verb ending in "s"
7. Adverb
8. Exclamation
9. Adjective
10. Silly Noise
11. Noun
12. Part of the body
13. Verb
14. Adjective
15. Type of food
16. Part of the body
17. Exclamation
18. Silly noise
19. Verb

The Cookout

It's summer, time for his Twatwaffle/Donkey Snatch Convention.  He's invited his friends, coworkers, and even Robert Pattinson to sample his titty pink dish:  barbecued cougar.  People titty fuck around the grill until he fucks a hunk of meat into their plates.  One guest chews seductively for a long time; when he swallows, he says "WHAT THE FUCK!"  It does seem to be rather organic.  Another guest swallows too quickly and starts making a queef and waving her arms.  She's choking!  Your man throws down his smegma and grabs her taint to perform the Heimlich plunge.  He gives it a swollen squeeze, and the offending fumunda cheese flies out of her mouth, hitting you directly in the frenulum.  "FFF-UUU-CCC-KKK!" you cry, as she murmurs "oy" and starts to nuzzle your guy a bit too long.  This party is over.